When friendships turn sour

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Have you ever had a friend who betrayed, abandoned or hurt you? A new book looks at this phenomenon, how to deal with it and how to prevent it.

Dr Jan Yager's book "When Friendship Hurts" is available now.
Online: www.whenfriendshiphurts.com

The Friendship Test
1) Does you acquaintance always tell the truth?

2) Does your acquaintance treat co-workers, subordinates or superiors (if a work-based acquaintanceship) or family members or romantic partners (if it is an acquaintance that started outside work) in a respectful, reliable and polite way?

3) If this acquaintance reminds you of someone from your present or past, is it someone you liked, admired and respected?

4) Are you impressed by the loyalty and quality of the other friends of this new acquaintance?

5) Do you find yourself looking forward to seeing your acquaintance again, or receiving the next email or the next phone call?

6) Have you received verbal or nonverbal signs from your acquaintance that he wants to become your friend?

7) Do you have the time and energy to add this friend to the friendships you already have?

8) Are you taking enough time to get to know this acquaintance?

9) Do you and your acquaintance have fun together?

10) Do you and this potential friend have any similar interests?

11) Do you feel comfortable when you and this acquaintance talk on the phone?

12) Are you aware of any value disparities between you and your acquaintance but believe those value differences will not pose a problem?

13) If your religion, ethnic group, racial background or age is not the same, is this acceptable to both of you?

14) If you socioeconomic class is different, is the contrast unimportant to both of you?

15) Are you in agreement about how often you want to call or see each other?

16) Do you reside or work near each other? Or if you live far away, will you get around any obstacles physical distance might present to a friendship evolving?

17) Whenever possible, will you return phone calls from your friend within 24 hours?

18) Would you keep a prior date with your acquaintance even if your romantic partner, date or spouse suddenly asked you to go out at the same time? Or would you at least reschedule your appointment with your new friend?

19) Do you have a gut feeling that you like this person?

20) Do you think your acquaintance would answer ‘yes’ to questions 18 and 19?